in my early 20s i was a h*****.
i am not a h***** anymore as i am married but i am still not a saint.
i work in a massage parlour giving men happy endings because its the only way i can make decent money with no qaulifications.
i do it 2 days a week. i suffer from major depression for which i am heavily medicated some days i dont even want to get out of bed. i do not know why i am like this. why are my demons constantly tormenting me?
i have tried to change. i have failed again and again. i am a horrible person. i have been married 3 years and with my man for 5 years. the first year s** was great and normal. 2 nd year he proposed and s** petered off to once a week even though i was still raring to go. put it down to wedding planning stress. 3rd year he had job stress where he was working and the 4th year suffered with vertigo but later got meds to stop that. we are at 5 years now and s** is once a month. i am utterly miserable because we are s******* incompatibale. i have a high s** drive and he has a low. anytime i broach the subject it is always an excuse of im tired, i fell sick blah blah. other than our s***** problems he is a good guy but i am so deppressed because of it. i think that is also why i do the massage work just so i can get anothers touch more often(i would never have s** with anyone else) im so lost. i though when i got married that my husband would look after me and desire me often but this is not the case. and cos hes a good guy it makes me feel like even more of an a******. i just want to escape this hell of life, my own personal hell. i wish i could be a normal functioning wife who works a normal job mon-fri and has fun filled weekends with her hubby, has s** often and who dosent have mental health issues. instead i am a horrible, broken sad excuse for a wife and really i should probably just die.