I have been doing drugs since I was 11. Now I’m 20. I’ve been to PRTF’s, psyche wards, and rehabs. I’ve managed to kick the harder drugs, but I still think about them all the time. I still have the dreams with the coke can, I put the shards in, it’s as big as a ping pong ball, but when I got to draw up a shot, it all disappears down a hole in the bottom. When I was younger, I swore I’d never become an alcoholic, I couldn’t stand the feeling. Before I even tried drugs, I hated my mom for smoking pot. Now I wake up every morning around 10 am and I pour myself a glass of mostly vodka and some orange juice, and I spark up a bowl, and I take my vitamins, and I don’t eat, and I just sit around until it’s time to go back to college.
My point is I really want to get sober but I don’t know how. And I can’t tell my friends anymore because of how many times I’ve tried and failed. I doesn’t even make me happy anymore.
I don’t understand why I can’t stop.