My cousin is 24 and keeps posting things on Facebook that imply she is being abused by her boyfriend. She is white, her boyfriend is a 40-year-old black guy. My cousin is way overweight and a high school dropout. She’s been with this guy since she was 18. She doesn’t think she can do any better. She posted a request for advice, so this is what I told her:

Men who have no power in their careers or society sometimes express their power over women instead. (Her boyfriend is unemployed – shocking, I know.) If he feels like having power makes him a man, and he has no power over anything but you, then he may feel like being abusive is a good way to express his manliness. This is very common among poor men of every color, and black and brown men of every social class. Your best chance, if you don’t want to be abused, is to find a middle or upper class white guy.

This desire to display some sort of power is also what makes poor men blast their music when they are driving. It’s the only time they have the ability to have an impact on those around them.