12 years
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I have got no substance, i think am too kind and honest but now i know that its all an illusion, i was once upon a time an intelligent hardworking honest and a true girl but it lies only in the past now .
I cant love any one, am just a people pleaser, i cant just keep my promises but i make promises with all my heart, i lack in almost everything and i just cant work hard.
The most recent incident which made things crystal clear to me was this:
I don’t know if i can say this now, but still.. I love a person and its been always him in my heart. I have it for him since i have known him, we don’t stay in the same city anymore but i never let it go, we are best best friends and also love each other and have confessed now. It was a long journey for me to first find him ( after i lost contact with him since I left his city) and then revive the bond that we always shared.
I still remember those days when i prayed ( honestly speaking- begged god) to make him love me, I promised god i will make my self worth him and if i fail to do so i would never look behind. I was so determined to have him and i really worked to become a better person, as a result today he calls me his angel and swears no one can ever replace me in his life, he says am a pure soul and i am self less and deep inside i know that i am losing it, and i cant bear the thought that am not as pure a soul as he considers me to be, I was but am no longer the same. Day by day am losing control over myself i cant achieve anything be it academics or extra circular and each time i fail i feel i failed him cause he strongly believes in my capabilities much more than me and i never work hard to keep his faith intact. I feel am cheating him i cant even work hard for sake of him, so i keep questioning him whether i love him or not!!
I am frustrated cause i think i just love him in my mind and i don’t have the heart anymore to prove my feelings to him and the world.
The thought of being away from him or losing him kills me.I am a law student and so we have these moots ,I was damn scared for this up coming moot, he some how convinced me to do it, he showed utter faith in me and i promised him that i will do it but i could not keep the promise and i did not do it due to lack of preparation and i don’t have the guts to tell him this. If things remain the way they are i think i will hurt him really bad some day and i cant let it happen i don’t know why i just have lost all the guts to make things happen. I HATE MY SELF FOR THIS.
And not just this, there have been so many instances when i failed him, i always do the wrong thing, i dont know what has gotten on to me.
With this i feel if am not worth him anymore I should not be involved with him now cause in spite of the absconder that I have become i still want him to get the best of everything and if I cant be the best for him I better walk away or take the responsibility to win that confidence that lost faith in my own eyes. I cant tell him how much i love him and i will never tell him, that i will have no hope left to live if he is not around, if i cant prove the same to him.
He is my hero and will always be, I want him to smile for ever and for always and I want to learn to keep all the promises i want to win now. I hope i will learn to do so for him. Or else i will leave.

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Yes when I went over to my sister’s house she called me up and I haven’t talked to her in ages and she told me when she answered the door all she had on was a robe and then she said why don’t you come on in so I went on in and it was a bunch of people walking around with the raw n*** and I said what’s going on he said well we’re having a new party and I just wanted to invite you over and I should see if anybody’s in that first bedroom and you can take off all your clothes in there then join us out here so I went over to that night before and went on inside shut the door and I took off all my clothes and is just a little knock at the door and then I opened up the door and there was my little niece she’s 6 years old and I’m naked and so is she and she says can I help you with anything in there and I said well I don’t know where to put my clothes so she came in shut the door and she says well we can put them over here into a pile over here and I said okay so I said why don’t you sit here and talk to me for a little bit so I picked her up and put her on the edge of the bed and she said that she missed me a lot I miss you too. Then I asked her how long is so they didn’t do and she said that they started this last year and everybody’s n*** in the house and and I said well you know I’m not I said can I see your little p**** and she said sure So she spread her legs for me and I started playing with her she says finger me some so I started f******** her and she said why don’t you put your c*** inside me too and I said okay so she laid back and I started putting my c*** inside of her and my sister walked in and she says I see you’re really getting used to your niece now and I said yeah I guess so and she says well there’s a whole bunch of people I want you to meet out here so when you’re done in here aren’t you come on out and I’ll introduce you and I said okay so she shut the door and my little niece should keep f****** me so I did I get f****** her and I can’t inside of her she’s thank you for the tongue and I said you’re welcome and so she got up and she walked out and I walked out with her she was holding my hand she says mommy this is you know here’s your brother and why don’t you introducing to everybody so my sister grabbed a hold of my hand and we went in the kitchen and there was a bunch of people in the kitchen there’s a bunch of young girls in there and my sister walked over to one of them and said this is my brother it’s the one I was telling you about and she looked down in my c*** and I was still kind of hard and she said boy you’re not joking huh and she grabbed a hold of my c*** she said boy you were all wet and says well I was just in the bedroom with my niece it’s all okay she said would you like to take me in the bedroom I said sure So she grabbed a hold of my hand and I mean this girl went into the bedroom and she laid down and she spread her legs and says penetrate me so I did and I fucked for about a good 15-20 minutes straight and I came inside of her too and she said wow what that really good you’re really warm and I said thank you. So she got up and she grabbed a hold of my hands just follow me so I walked out the door and walked over to the den and she said Mom Dad this is Kathy’s brother and her dad stood up and he shook my hand and says nice to meet you and miss my wife Cheryl and Cheryl got up and she shook my hand to very nice to meet you and your daughter goes well me and Kathy’s brother just had s** in the bedroom and she said oh great and this is wrong why don’t you take me in there that was the mother and I said well you show me the way so she grew up to hold my hand we went back back in the bedroom and I shut the door and she lay down on the bed and just penetrate me so I did and I was getting fucked so many times and all the sudden I started coming inside of her too and she said great I’m glad you shot inside me and I said well thank you so that she got up and she grabbed over my hand she’d follow me so we went and we went out back out back in the middle and her son and she said I wanted to shoot you somebody so we walked over to this man and this lady that was standing there and she says I wanted to introduce you to this is Kathy’s brother and oh it’s nice to meet you he shook my hand and this is my wife Tina and Tina says very nice to meet you and she said yeah me me Kathy’s brother just had s** in the bedroom and it felt really good and he shoots really good sperm inside you should try not and she says well I was thinking about going inside anyways you want to follow me and I said sure I follow you so I was walking behind her and she had a beautiful a** really nice a** and we walked into the kitchen and my sister’s in there and he said well I’m going to go in the bedroom with your brothers and I’m going to have a little bit of fun my sister is great why don’t you just go have some fun together so me and miss lady one inside the gym and she shut the door and stayed down and she’s just penetrate me so I started f****** her and one thing led to another and I started shooting inside of her and she said well let’s just staying here awhile and I got a daughter that’s around 8 years old would you like to meet her I said sure So she stood up and I walked out and did the daughter sitting over there watching TV and so since she called her by her name and she got up and she said this is no Kathy’s brother she says oh hi how are you I said fine you know me me and Kathy’s brother just had s** without you and him going in the bedroom and have s** too she said great so she grabbed a hold of my hand we went right back in the bedroom and I started f****** her and I didn’t have any sperm left and everybody else is taking it all so she says well we’ll have to do this again because I want some of your sperm too and I said well I was just hang out in here for a little while she said okay so we started f****** tomorrow and f****** tomorrow and then all the sudden I started execulating inside of her oh I can feel it now and she just threw me up with you so I did I feel good and stupid that feels so fantastic thank you I said thank you and she says you want to stay in here just a little bit longer and I said sure So I’m being over and I start sucking on her n****** she loves that and she goes will you b*** f*** me for my first time it says well I don’t know all right let’s try so she turned over I got him behind her cute little a** yeah and I told her to hold it open so she get better with him and I just rub my d*** across your c*** and I pushed it in and she says oh my God you’re so deep inside of me I said I know and the rest of the party I’ll give you later on what happened