I was fighting with my (ex) best friend, Laina, and soon we began to hate each other. I created a fake email account to see what she really thought about me. She really was being a total b**** and I wasn’t being mean to her at all. She told me I couldn’t be friends with someone and I said I was going to be friends with whoever I want. But I still wanted to fix our friendship and talking to her about it in real life wasn’t working. She always said no. I should have just accepted that. But I didn’t so I tried to use the fake email to make it seem like I had her back and all of that (it took a while to spin a realistic story so she wouldn’t suspect anything).
When I wasn’t yearning for our friendship to be put back together, I wanted her to fall, HARD! Then I convinced her that I (as the fake person) was on her side. I told her ways she could get back at me (the real me in real life) and she followed them. But when I told her those things, I knew that if she did them, she could get in trouble for bullying. And she did. Now granted, she did do a lot of the bullying without any ideas from me. Or even approval (she didn’t discuss her plans with the fake girl). She was constantly gossiping and making up rumors about me (in our school handbook, that is considered bullying). These rumors made me feel bad especially when people asked me about it at school. She turned a lot of my friends against me too. But the one big thing that got the principal involved was me. He probably would have been involved later on even if I hadn’t created the fake email, but I still felt extremely bad about it anyway. I had her write a hate letter and put it in my locker at school. It was a long list of everything she thought was wrong with me. Luckily, the consequences weren’t serious. My goal was to get her suspended (that is how much I didn’t like her). Looking back now, I realize how lucky I am that she didn’t. But our principal said that suspension was the next step for her.
Why am I lucky? I’m living with the guilt of how much trouble she probably got in at home and that I was able to pull off such an evil stunt. Plus I messed up her social life. Imagine how much guilt I would have if she got suspended. That would be on her record and would effect her when it was time for her to apply to colleges. I spun a web of lies and had different stories to tell different people. Our school guidance counselor and my parents had a different story than each one of my friends got. Only a few of my friends knew the truth. But that isn’t what I am most guilty about.

I created a fake facebook account. I didn’t use Laina’s real name, but I did use the name “Rainy People” to make sure people knew it was a fake account. But then I used it to talk Laina up and make it look like she was the one saying it. I made her look like a self-absorbed b****. But I never said it was her. People just assumed it was her. I managed to turn several friends against her. But then guess what I did? I DEFENDED her when everyone was saying that “Rainy” was Laina. But I used my own facebook account. Why? I know it sounds dumb, But at that time, I was going back and forth. One minute I wanted nothing more than to fix our friendship and the next minute I wanted to stab her in the eye with a fork. Between Rainy and the fake email, I had tried both things. I have never told a soul about me being Rainy. I started feeling bad so I gave a serious confession about Laina not being Rainy on facebook. But I never admitted I was the one behind it. The majority of the friends Laina lost due to the Rainy People incident returned to being her friend and everything seemed normal. Everything I did was genius for getting Laina in trouble and turning people against her. It was sneaky and I made myself look good in the process. But I really did feel bad. After my confession (using Rainy People’s fb page) of not being Laina, I shut it down.

I decided to shut it down just in time. The next day I found out that the principal was involved and they were looking for the student behind it. No one got in trouble because they searched the page and there was no evidence of Rainy being any specific person. At the time I thought of it as a game. And I was winning. I had the upper hand. I could control everything in Laina’s life pretty much.
But now that I look at it, months later, I realize that I was bullying Laina myself. Much worse than she was doing to me. I promised myself I would never be a bully. And I didn’t realize that is what I was doing at the time. I am too cowardly to admit it myself to any of my friends and especially my parents and school guidance counselor and principal. I would loose so many friends not to mention the trouble I would be in. So I cyber bullied Laina without thinking about it. Part of me is thankful because now I’ve learned the lesson of how to react if anything like this happens again. But the majority of me is consumed with guilt. I know I’ll probably feel better if I tell someone, but I just can’t. Most people probably wouldn’t think this seems all that bad, but it does to me. I was a bully. I didn’t realize it at the time. But I was and I can never change that. 🙁