When I was 14 I had this 13 year old friend that looked 10. He was a smoker, but no one would sell to him cause he looked so young. He begged me to buy him a pack, and eventually offered me oral s** in exchange for a pack. I didn’t believe him, but he pulled down my shorts and gave me a sample, 3 quick bobs of his head. This was the best feeling i had ever had in my life, I quickly ran to the store and bought him a pack. After I finished we made a deal that everytime I bought him a pack he would pay me with oral s**. Every time I finished I would leave his house and spread the word he had cigarettes, so everyone would go b** off him and he’d be out in a day or two. This lasted about 3 months, then he found a 17 year old guy that would reciprocate. He said he’d continue with me if I gave back as well, but the thought of reciprocating nauseated me, I could only recieve. I could close my eyes and he became any girl in school when receiving, but giving would seem gay. I stopped talking to him when he stopped doing it, I just couldn’t be comfortable around him anymore. Plus people quickly found out him and the other guy were having s**, so I had to distance myself from him in fear people would think I was gay. Just recently found he killed himself when he was 19. He had been getting molested by his mom and her boyfriends for over 10 years and it was finally too much for him.
looking back I can see signs clear as day this was happening, but honestly my head was to clouded by my own physical enjoyment to realize what was happening. He had asked me once after he had just got done giving to me if he could stay the night at my house, he said his Mom was working all night and he didn’t want to be alone with her boyfriend. I said no because I thought it was his way of starting a relationship. He then offered to give me another b******* during the night if I let him. I said 3 more. He agreed without any argument. This was a sign clear as day something was wrong and the only thing my hormone addled brain could see was I had a possibility of getting head 4 times in less than 24 hours. I wish I could have been a better friend.