i feel so alone right now. i have so much going through my mind but i don't have anyone to talk to. i have friends,sure,but i just can't share my feelings

12 years

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i feel so alone right now.
i have so much going through my mind but i don’t have anyone to talk to.
i have friends,sure,but i just can’t share my feelings with them because i kinda feel embarrassed.
okay so i got into this prestigious college on the basis of reservation and not actually on my abilities and its killing me. everyone here is so smart, so talented and i’m just..well me.i’m not used to this feeling because i was kind of good in academics in my school. that was the only thing i was good at, but apparently i’m not good enough.
so anyways first semester here i failed in a subject.
i pulled my things together and managed to score an average score in second semester. third semester i got a chance to ace that failed subject but guess what i failed again.
and due to that i can’t sit for any company which will be coming in my college for internships.
i feel like such a loser!

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One of those memories that is stuck with you. I had to get a suit for a wedding. My mother took me to this tailor, and he agreed to make me the suit. It had to be a certain type and color. He measured me and when he did he ran his hand up and down the inside of my thigh, he cupped me with his warm hand, and got a good grab at my bottom. When I went to the fitting, and he cupped me again and ran his hand over my bottom several times. On the last fitting he cupped me and kissed my zipper, patted my face and told me I looked lovely.

I live with that memory. A feeling that I have never been to recreate.