I fell in love with a cruel soldier. Everyone said he seemed like a player. I must be stupid. He was the first love of my life. When we met, he told me that he would cherish me. That because he was my first, he would take things slow. But times changed. When we were dating, he was kind and he seemed genuine. I thought that he was perfect, but of course…that’s a lie. Shortly after we had s**, he became distant. He stopped putting effort into me. The only thing he would contact me for was s**. But I still didn’t want to give up on him. A month and a half later, my period didn’t come. I was freaked out, but at the same time, I was a little happy. I thought, if I were to have a child, I would like it with him. But when I told him my period was late, he said I was crazy. He said that it couldn’t be his. Then he just ignored me. He didn’t say anything to me. No matter what I said, no matter how hard I tried to contact him, he ignored every of my calls. I was scared. I was young. How was I going to tell my mother that I was pregnant? I was screwing up my life. I became filled with guilt and fear. I didn’t know what to do. The emotional stress caused me to miscarry. I didn’t tell anyone. It was a secret blessing to me, but at the same time, the idea that I had lost a child tore my heart apart. I became confused, and my confidence plummeted. Worse, I didn’t even blame him. I only blamed myself. Because I was stupid. Because I was naive. Because I loved the wrong man. Because I gave my virginity and everything I held dear to that man. Because I loved him too much.
I managed to rebuild myself again and I started dating again. But now that I’m myself again, he hits on me and he tries to woo me again. I feel like I should hate him, but I don’t know how. I want to hate him. He’s destroying my life…