My children are good people, but so often I can’t stand to be with them. I’m so crippled by my fear of being a bad parent, like my mother, that I am riddled with anxiety at the presence of my children. A thousand voices run through my head telling me that whatever I am doing and saying is completely wrong. A full on shame fest that I can’t stip. Its gotten so that I associate my lovely kids with pain. A deep, soul pain. I just want to be alone.
But…I am expert at hiding it all so everyone thinks I am perfect. I suppose I get my wish; I am completely alone.