12 years
x
267 Views

Hello everyone or who ever wants to read my story.
My name is Hayley lee I am 16 yrs old,
I live with my mum and dad and my 18 year old half sister, shakira.

To be honest nobody really likes me, I hate my life and sometimes wish I was never born, nobody understands.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me could it be depression or what?
When I was really young my uncle would touch me all over, and would make me touch him, he would finger me and ask if it felt nice I was scared so of course I said yes, he made me give him hand, I was a young a 5-6 but it all stopped when I was about 10 🙂
He would tell my parents I was bad and naughty, and being mean to people,
But one thing that scears me the most I saw him do it to shakira I was really little to maybe even a toddler, I was sitting on the cough across from them, but that night at him house in the room my sister was hugging me saying it was going to be ok.

To this day I haven’t told no one it’s happened more then once to me by him, I haven’t even talked to my shakira about it, nor have I told my parents, never have and never will, they are close with him, I am not, this stuff has happened about 10+ times, but I’m sceard because I don’t reamber the first time he did it to me, I was a toddler reambering that, so could have I been a tiny useless baby, it makes me wanna cry I was a little baby.

I’m not close with my dad, nor my mum it was my mums brother Ron, ill never tell my parents, if your reading this it ain’t easy to tell them, it never will so that’s why I’m not saying nothing.

My aunty used to pick on me and call me names like, your a stupid c***, blubber, fatty and you get it a lot more stuff to. 🙁

My cousins hate me they call me names say things like lose weight fatty, ugly b**** it makes me cry when I’m alone.

I first cut my self last year when my cousin he’s older and a male he said something mean about my weight, you may think it stupid or I’m attention seeking but trust me I’m not because if I was I would be telling people “hey look I cut.”
About a month ago my friends girlfriend started picking on me saying I’m ugly fat and embarrassing so I cut myself on my leg called “PERFECT!” So every time I wake up have a shower get dressed I can see the word perfect, and know I’m not perfect never will be and that nobody’s perfect.

I heard the saying you we’re put on earth for a reason yeah no I wasn’t, if that was so look at me I’m stupid and worthless, I hate myself and do does everybody else I’m perfedic, it true.

People reading this I bet your skinny pretty got alot of friends and everybody likes you, but nobody likes me, what is wrong with me I’m nice, I’m not perfect but please give us a chance, people don’t pick on anyone because of there appearance please I’m begging you, I hate my life and I wish I was dead, I’m crying right now telling you about me.

I hate looking in the mirror, I’m self conscious I reckon I’m fat ugly and stupid, please don’t call me attention seeking because I’m not I hate life and myself.

I’m sorry this was long, but forgive me ,but what can I Change so people like me?

P.S nobody is perfect reamber that please don’t pick on anyone.
But what everyone’s said about me I carnt velive I’m still standing, I thought about killing myself, the bullying has gotten worst, worse then every I cry every night to sleep, I hate myself, I don’t know how to last of stay stong no more, what em I ment to do, sit there and take it all, get picked on everyday or what??
I’m gonna try and lose weight to help md a bit.

P.SS – if I do get a new start on life lose weight, and stuff I promise ill never and I mean it never pick on anybody I promise! 🙂
I’m gonna start a diet lose weight and look a bit better, but I promise ill be nice to people 🙂

New Confession

Related Confessions

Idk if this happens commonly or if i am just very very unlucky. My father passed away 9 years before my mother. When she passed it was time to clean out the home they lived in for over 30 years of a 60 year marriage. My father took his camera with him all over the world in the military. Still camera and 8mm. Boxes and boxes of slides and reels. I simply saved them and set them aside for later. I got time months later and got one of those 35mm slide to jpg scanners and just ground thru them. When i got them all scanned i got a later chance to prop my feet up and go thru them. Amongst all the widespread scenery and travel and cool vintage moments i stumble across pics of my mother. Many of them simple poses in many places, mostly outdoors, she was actually a modestly attractive classic pinup type. But then i run into the lingerie shots. And then the tasteful n u d e s indoors and outdoors. And then the real shocker. On any scale my mother was the classic church going uppity prudish b**** woth zero tolerance for bawdy or suggestive behavior or language. Hell sometimes i would say something crude just to push her uptight buttons. You would not believe how bent out of shape she got when she found evidence of my first s** dream on the sheets. Or at least what i ever saw from her was that way.

But i see hundreds of shots that are full bore graphic. Nothing artful about them. Spread shots, bendovers, hands between her legs, and then actually having s**. But in none of them is my father the man she is havimg s** with. He was obviously behind the camera. Some of them? A minister i recognize because she used to drag me to church all the time. Neighbors or friends of my parents that i remember. . It just kept piling on. Shots of my mother having lesbian s** with my aunt, my father’s older sister. Shots of my mother with other women i dont recognize, shots of my aunt with some of the same women. Shots of my mother with multiple men. Def did not wake up that or any day expecting or wanting to see pics of my mother getting spitroasted or used by a group of men and pretty much looking like she is having a grand time. When i do manage to force myself to power thru them all, hypocrtically, my parents were both moderately racist, but the handful that did have my father in them? He was having s** with a few different women, all african american women, except for one woman. His f****** sister, the same aunt i saw shots of my mother having s** with.

The s***** part was having to go through all of them because i did not want to risk losing family photos or memories or history that were NOT my parents’ s** escapades. At that point i accepted that the stack of 8mm movies might be similar. And i was right. The huge majority of them were my mother and the various random men my mother was having s** with, but some of the men were not in the still shot stack. No decent family movies at all sadly, the whole lot except 3 of the 8mm were either my mother and who tf knows who the men were, or great, a lesbian movie with my same aunt. The 3 exceptions? A mix of my parents doing foursomes with two diff couples. Both of those couples i knew/ remembered as family friends, i had grown up with their kids. In both cases wife swapping with my parents. And the crown jewel…..obviously sarcastically….my dad with my mother and aunt.

Look don,t get me wrong, i am nowhere near a prude, we all have our little quirks and kinks. I am not judging any of them, it was theie thing to do. I confess i had a few queasy reactions because the stills and movies span a time from before i or my sister were even born, to a time when we were mid 30s, which put my parents and aunt in their 70s. Hell i hope i am still having s** when i am that age.

By the time i was done, i had one focus…..there was not a condom in sight in any of it. Was my father actually my father? Is my sister my full sister or half sister? Do i have half siblings i dont even know somewhere? How glad am i that i have never done the spit in a tube ancestry or 23 and me thing, because i do not want to fall into that vortex of doom?