I consitently take large amounts of over-the-counter sleep aid to get a cheap high of sorts. While under the influence of the medication I tend to become excessively contemplative and philosophical. I began thinking about the concept of death and the idea of being nothing and what that means insofar as my consciousness is concerned. This has left me with me with three personal demons.

I believe I am abusing a substance.
I am becoming irrationally afraid of dying while being irrationally preoccupied with the concept of death.
As a Christian, I feel guilty about this fear because if faith in salvation means there is more to existence after death, then my fear is also a lack of faith.

I have never articulated any of this to anyone.