I am married, but when my husband and father of my 6 kids walked out while I was 6 months pregnant with the 6th child, all I wanted was someone else to love me if he wouldn’t. I wanted him back and he didn’t want me. He treated me as cold as ice and refused to be my lover or friend. After I lashed out several times, I let go. Now I have someone new. I filed for a divorce and my husband still hasn’t tried to return. Now I am living with a man and I am a Christian woman but this man loves me better than my husband ever did. I deal with all kinds of conviction and whenever I’m unhappy I feel like running away. And I could afford to leave, my money is not lacking, though I get no child support payment from my husband after 9 months of separation. But I bury myself in the pain and I run from tears. I struggle with receiving love in light of this pain I feel, but how can I turn this man away who simply worships me, when my husband barely gives me the time of day. It is always awkward with my husband and has been for 10 years of marriage, but it is so organic with my boyfriend. In my heart I battle with what seems like an unhealthy desire to love a man I am not married to, versus the idea of being what my husband needs and waiting for him even though he cheated on me and left me for 3 other women over a 10 year period, and is with the new woman now. I feel estupido and usually shrug this off and press forward, but today I felt the need to get it out.