I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 9 years and married for the last 4. Im now getting separated and this is my story. Im 26 and recently left the Marine Corps.

Maybe i should back track, a long time ago i decided to have an affair. Ive only been with one woman up-till that point. The affair lasted several weeks and ended because the other woman Mary got too attached. The word love was thrown around recklessly and well things spiraled out of control and i ejected before i got caught up in something greater.
Something in me awakened the day i decided to break my vows. It was insatiable, always thirsting for more and different experiences. Up until this point i’ve only been with one person, the woman i married. My s***** relationship was severely lacking, id be luck to have s** 3 times in a month.
I met the woman i had an affair with on Craigslist, she had an add up looking for a “cuddle buddy” or something of the sort. She as married, we were in similar positions.
I got curious as to what else was out there, who else wanted to be with me?
I was incredibly shy when i was younger. I never knew how to approach woman and i didn’t notice the subtle cues women gave when they were interested. I lied throughout high school so people didn’t know i was a virgin. I thought i wasn’t anything special.
Since i had some success on craigslist i decided to see who else was looking but the majority of ads were scams or advertisements from dating companies. I decided that rather than searching for people id make an ad for myself and see who’s interested in me.
To my disbelief i got a ton of responses and an overwhelming majority of them were from males. Now at this point i guess i should mention that I’m well endowed and in good shape.
At first i disregarded everyone except the woman but just like the ads the majority of women that emailed me were ads or it just wasn’t feasible to “hook up”. At the end of the day i was left with nothing but other men that wanted me to f*** them. These men adored me, wanted to literally worship me and some even offered to pay me…i was a superstar but i wasn’t interested in men.
Eventually my craigslist faded away amongst the million of new ads and the emails stopped. A few days, maybe weeks passed and i found myself missing the attention, i liked being wanted and sought after. it was a completely new feeling, i was attractive and powerful.
I wanted more so i made another post, and another and another. I never had another affair but i longed for the attention and as usual the admiration was mostly from other men. I eventually started reading their responses and they started to turn me on, i wasn’t attracted to males just how submissive they wanted to be for me. I was thirsting for that power over someone.
My curiosity got the better of me and i eventually responded to one of the males and sure enough i ended up f****** one and it was a horrid experience. He was older and i was absolutely disgusted but i went through with it not to be be rude really. I remember closing my eyes and picturing something else and it ended because i got flaccid.
I took a break after that experience to reevaluate what i was doing. it was wrong, terribly wrong and i felt guilty but as my relationship continued to worsen my reservations began to go away.
I turned my search for attention once again to the internet but instead of craigslist i found webcam adult websites. I made a profile and broadcasted myself for anyone to see. I was receiving compliment and admiration for all sorts of people and it felt great. I loved being a rockstar even if it was for only 30 minutes in virtual reality.
I eventually decided to give craigslist another try, again i almost exclusively only heard from men. Being an open minded person i decided to give it another got. I ended up hooking up with a guy maybe 3 more times each time thinking it would be better than the last and each time i regretted it after…needless to say i learned my lesson. Im not gay and i can say that with confidence having tried it not once or twice but a handful of times.
I also had an affair with a few women. In total 7 other woman and im not proud of how i met some of them. Without going into too great detail i had s** with a stripper in Crete. I had s** with a 20 something year old black girl, a 39 year old white woman, a t******** with a 19 year old and her friend another guy. And too more affairs that lasted a few weeks or months with an old friend of mine and the other with a woman i met on deployment. Lastly i made Plenty of Fish profile recently and met a 23 yo woman whom i seduced and had s** with.

I don’t know what im doing with my life anymore. I think i want to reconnect with my wife but im not sure if its a good idea. I’m worried i might feel the same way and w**** around…i wish i new what was wrong with me.