I realized for the first time recently that I might actually be suicidal.
I used to never be, directly… I used to simply imagine things. But overall I wouldn’t kill myself. It was more of a ‘If a car came at me on the street, I wouldn’t move’ sort of feeling. Now that’s changed. One part of me hates me for it… the other is wondering if it would matter if I did die. I’m scared I’m going to have a bad day and make a really bad mistake. Most of all, I’m terrified to tell anyone about it, because every time I’ve ever mentioned my depression to a friend or family member, usually it gets brushed over as though it weren’t of significance… if only they knew )=
