I don’t want to die. Yet I am so afraid of my own success, whether in s***** relationships or personal growth, that everything always collapses around me, half-built. I am too afraid to let anyone in, but more to the point, I am too narcissistic to give anyone the chance. I seem to go in endless cycles of feeling positive because I was noticed, because I felt accomplished, and feeling down because I’ve fucked it up. Everyone claims that this is life: ups and downs. But if sine waving my way through life is truly what it is about, then I’m no longer interested.
Also, they say that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else, but how can I love myself if no one loves me?
