Eating Disorder, my my mind in its madness:

The skin bulging around my waistline when I wear jeans. The skin touching between my inner thighs The skin hanging under my arms, How I sort of stopped but still count calories,”Ok you’ve had 400 so far, just remember to to not eat so much around 3.” Suppress the hunger, it’s all in your head. When clothes I like don’t fit me, or fit me well, or compare myself to someone smaller and how she would like great in it. You’re doing well with your abs, keep it up, but your b*** is getting softer you must exercise at some point before the day ends Everyday Going out with friends but only taking a few bites saying your not really hungry and you’ll eat it later or you ate before because you got hungry taking a couple bites holding it ever so carefully and excusing yourself so you can spit it out in the bathroom I tried vomiting once and it sucked, will never do that again, but it lingers on my mind occasionally I want to drop 10 lbs and become more lean, maybe 15, maybe 20, maybe more like that time I was anorexic. Below 100, I don’t think I was like that since elementary school. Yes and it spins out of control like that I control my life on that kind of lifestyle, an active lifestyle, hate sitting in front of a computer all day because I get bored and don’t know what career to take take so I can avoid that, but really so I can avoid getting fat. Fat, fat, fat, what an ugly word I don’t want to go to grad school because i don’t want to sit and study all the time and eat constantly because thats what I do when I study, because it bores me so maybe I’m not up for it anyways, or maybe its my mind. Or I’m not good enough, smart enough.