The truth is that I am scared of love. I’m in love – proudly in love, yet I have mixed emotions. I love him so freaking much. I would literally do anything and everything for him. I really mean it when I say it, no doubt. I have – and am continuing to open myself completely up for him, leaving myself vulnerable. Never in all the years of my life have I encountered such a strange chemical imbalance in my body. Why does love feel so amazing, yet hurt so much at the same time? Obviously there is more happiness than sadness.. I just wish sometime’s that I knew what happens after death. I’m always scared of losing him. I’m scared something is going to happen, and we’re going to be broken apart. I grew up living a very painful life until he came into it. Almost all of my first times’ were with him. We’ve screamed at each other at the top of our lungs, cried happy tears together, ignored each other, and held each other so tightly because we didn’t want to let go so many times.. We’ve been through SO much together.. I don’t ever want it to end. When I look into his eyes: I see our future. I see his manly self and I see kids. I see the happiness in his eyes. I get turned on. Sometimes I get lost in his eyes.. I think to myself, “Wow, I am so lucky. :)” When we make hot and passionate love, we stare deeply into each other’s eyes.. boy.. it’s so s***… I o***** so hard while staring at him.. When he kisses me, I feel a crazy tingly sensation rush throughout my whole body. I love how caring and protective he is when it comes to my safety.. I hate how threatened and jealous I feel because it ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is possible. When we hold hands, I don’t care how sweaty it gets.. I’ll still hold on. I love cooking for him, dressing s*** for him, and surprising him. What I don’t love is having bad thoughts.. 🙁 sometimes I find myself wondering what’s going to happen.. wondering how long we’re gonna be alive.. wondering if we’re gonna be together in the “afterlife”. I don’t know. Love is so pure.. love is so strong.. it makes me feel so vulnerable in the most scary yet s*** way ever..