the truth is about me that I am a very easy going person and would have been blissfully ignorant and content in a marriage years ago with some honest guy who was super average. you wait around you try to pick up someone you try too hard you give up and eat corn chips you get desperate and try cheap date sights that are a hookers trap for dirt bags NO I will not go to dating sites ever again. too many perves and liars and cheaters I got bashed up outside a bar one day just for talking to a guy cuz he was lying to me and failed to tell me he was married and was just using people for money. I thank god that I never went far with him. too many fake ids on dating sites. too many risks and I will not walk the streets alone at night ANY CHICK IS LOOKING FOR TROUBLE LIKE A MURDER OR R*** walking around streets at night or early morning and has to be up to no good. SHERLOCK HOLMES SAID THAT SO I HAS TO BE TRUE! how easy it is for a gang of people to attack you and drown you in a near by creek or axe open your head. I for one do not want to be killed and shallow buried and have my dead or alive body raped repeatedly for weeks. or have my body turn up in a shark infested gully or crab pod. I dont want to end up nailed to a streetpost or being slit open by some mad might-night ripper on friday the 13th full moon this june.

sometimes i feel bad that i wish more b****** were killed this way who have hurt me, but I try not admitt it to myself that i could think such bad thoughts. I am sick of forgiving people and they hurt me again repeatedly. I know things must change for me.

my heart is open to a lot of people. I love this guy in what he calls his hang over shirt but I am scared I need more money to save him. god tell me what he wants please.