I get really mad at myself for getting on this site and being honest here when I really can’t be honest anywhere else. For the past 3 years, I have only been able to feel the extreme emotions. I’m always either extremely happy and ready to take on the world, or depressed and occasionally suicidal. At first, I thought talking to friends about it would make it better, but that didn’t work. So as time has gone on, I have lied more and more about my frequent low points. People say that when you get depressed, they will always love you and be there for you. However, I found out very quickly that wasn’t true. People will abandon you if they think there is something wrong with you. They lose faith in you and therefore you are unimportant to them. And then when someone actually commits suicide, everyone is like, “Oh if only we knew! I loved them so much!” It’s crap and it bothers me a lot. I feel myself losing touch with reality again and I want help so badly. I’m just so afraid. I don’t want to be on medication or in therapy, but I also don’t want to do something crazy at a moment’s notice. I just don’t know what to do at this point.