Honestly, I do not quite know what to do with myself. I am aware of the fact that there is something not quite right with me but there is nothing that

12 years

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Honestly, I do not quite know what to do with myself. I am aware of the fact that there is something not quite right with me but there is nothing that cannot be helped. Kicked out of parents house a couple months after graduation. Moved in with older sister to be closer to college and help her with bills. Worked out for a while. Even made a long distance “friend”. To backstep a bit; I moved a few times in the past years. To skip a long story, I had no friends and still do not now. Went well for a year and then I got my first car. 18 days after I had an accident. In no way shape or form was I at fault. Waiting at a red light when an old lady runs over a median strip at 40+ Mph to T-bone me in the drivers side. I should also point out it was a T intersection with the junction going left. How she went at that angle at that speed is something I cannot quite figure out. Simply put it, my final term paper wasn’t turned in, failed a couple courses, went to therapy for months, stopped school to get more hours at work for a new car, and my lawyer failed me completely. Instead of some high amount I got the minimum 20K which half was from my insurance. To cut it short, I was left with 3k which wen’t directly back to mother from the loan I took for the new car. Skip ahead.. Haven’t gone back to school yet (planning to this august), long distance girlfriend broke up two days before valentines telling me she was with someone else, ended up getting rid of the car I had due to many issues with it, paying way too much in insurance now. Moved once again and drove 50+ miles daily to get back and forth from work. Just recently transferred to have less of a transit, still due to my luck, sister (who I still live with for now) ruined her car to the point that it cannot safely be driven, so I must play driver for her. Oh yea, she is also pregnant now and due in august. I need to find somewhere else to live rather soon, however kinda obligated to help her until she finds a car (or her fiance gets another one). Trying to find a new job but not quite working out well. To cut things short, I am weary. Honestly, I want to die, however my sense of loyalty is a bit too much. Maybe it is just my last tie to humanity. I can keep smiling, but I know not how much longer until I just give up. This is not a plea for help, nor a piece to be spoken of. Just a simple confession to maintain what sense of sanity I believe I have.

New Confession

It’s a official!

The Toronto District Catholic School Board verified with me that Sister Marie Howorth had no fuc kin right in holy hell to ask me the question,

“Now Carm, your father died, was that sudden?”

My father’s death was simply none of Sister Marie Howorth’s dam business. It’s my privacy and it’s my grief (mind you it’s difficult to grieve a man that called my mother an ugly warthog).

According to the Toronto District Catholic School Board,

“If you didn’t disclose to Sister Marie that your father died, she should have asked about him.”

The Toronto District Catholic School Board has verified with me that Sister Marie ,

“Did not handle my situation well.”

And the former Deputy Director of the M.S.S.B had not right to ask Sister Marie nor my guidance counselor to talk to me about my dead father.

I am human and I am allowed to be touched by stories about young people who die tragically.

I am allowed to be touched by “Jane” and I am allowed to say that she influenced by life in a positive way, leading me to friendships that led me to work in the North.

The M.S.S.B Deputy Director had every right to be offended by me. I regret …I fuc kin regret contacting him….But I wish he could have told me to just stop contacting him and his family instead of sending Sister Marie Howorth to psychologically torture me….

F*** YOU Sister Marie Howorth! The school board takes my life! Forcing a conversation about the nature of my dad’ s death DOES NOT SHOW THE LIGHT OF CHRIST! Far from it! It’s completely depraved of compassion!

F*** YOU Judy Wright if you feel your Sister Mare Howorth had a right to ask me invasive questions about my father’s death, cause the school board TAKES MY SIDE. AND F*** YOUR UNCLE as his son was caught stealing VCRs at the Honeydale Walmart, as noted in the March 1999 Etobicoke Life paper!!!

SISTER MARIE HOWORTH HAD NO FUC KIN RIGHT TO ASK ME PRIVATE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY FATHER’S DEATH…SHE HAD NO F*** IN RIGHT TO PRY INTO MY PERSONAL TRUAMA….I’ll scream that on a mountain top if I have to!

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Beautiful starlet at the end of the day.