I get that most people want you to be unhappy with them. They want you to affirm their negative circumstances so they don't feel alone. But I don't want

12 years

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I get that most people want you to be unhappy with them. They want you to affirm their negative circumstances so they don’t feel alone. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to be dragged down into that. I want to be happy! So I am! I guess if that means you float out of my life because you’d rather notice everything that’s “wrong” or “bad” instead of the many MANY things that are good, then, well… bye. It hurts, I’ll miss you but I can’t waste my energy arguing the case for being happy when you’re so damn sure you, I or anyone else has no right to be—not anymore. I’ve got things I want to do in my life. NEED to do. And whinin’, complainin’ and bitchin’ a blue streak ain’t gonna get it done, hon. Happiness is a habit. You choose it. You have every right to not choose it. But please stop trying to make it everyone else’s responsibility to drop everything they do and who they are make you feel better if, when you know you have another option, you’re going to choose to keep up your habit of living in a constant state of dissatisfaction. You’re doing it to yourself and it’s not anybody’s obligation to “make you feel better”– and they won’t be able to anyway. Nobody can really MAKE anybody else happy. You’re only happy with something when you choose to be. And when you’re someone that constantly looks for “what’s wrong”, nothing anybody does is ever going to be good enough anyway. So quite tiring people out with your whiny BS and get with the program. Unless, like many folks, you’re just too afraid to take responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, your actions, your words. Because that’s what true freedom is. It’s not in the money, or the great relationship, or the best job. It’s now—when you take responsibility and say, “I’m going to turn this mother around.” And then you do. And you quit blaming the world, your parents and/or the government of “robbing you” of your happiness. It all starts with you. Just you and only you. Your decision. To notice all the many things that are right in your life and the world around you or to dismiss it all and stew only about what’s not. Which one do you really think is going to work out better for you? How many years of your life do you really intend to waste? If you passed out of this earthly body right now, what’s it going to be for you? Regret for all the things you didn’t take time to appreciate or peace knowing you took nothing for granted? That’s all I’m trying to say and I know which one I’m going with. Life was never meant to be bad for you. Ever. It’s just a matter of where you pivot and what you choose to look at. One definitely feels better than the other and I’m tired of feeling like crap, and I’m certainly tired of you trying to argue with me as to why I should. It doesn’t feel good to feel bad. SO WHY KEEP IT UP???

New Confession

It’s a official!

The Toronto District Catholic School Board verified with me that Sister Marie Howorth had no fuc kin right in holy hell to ask me the question,

“Now Carm, your father died, was that sudden?”

My father’s death was simply none of Sister Marie Howorth’s dam business. It’s my privacy and it’s my grief (mind you it’s difficult to grieve a man that called my mother an ugly warthog).

According to the Toronto District Catholic School Board,

“If you didn’t disclose to Sister Marie that your father died, she should have asked about him.”

The Toronto District Catholic School Board has verified with me that Sister Marie ,

“Did not handle my situation well.”

And the former Deputy Director of the M.S.S.B had not right to ask Sister Marie nor my guidance counselor to talk to me about my dead father.

I am human and I am allowed to be touched by stories about young people who die tragically.

I am allowed to be touched by “Jane” and I am allowed to say that she influenced by life in a positive way, leading me to friendships that led me to work in the North.

The M.S.S.B Deputy Director had every right to be offended by me. I regret …I fuc kin regret contacting him….But I wish he could have told me to just stop contacting him and his family instead of sending Sister Marie Howorth to psychologically torture me….

F*** YOU Sister Marie Howorth! The school board takes my life! Forcing a conversation about the nature of my dad’ s death DOES NOT SHOW THE LIGHT OF CHRIST! Far from it! It’s completely depraved of compassion!

F*** YOU Judy Wright if you feel your Sister Mare Howorth had a right to ask me invasive questions about my father’s death, cause the school board TAKES MY SIDE. AND F*** YOUR UNCLE as his son was caught stealing VCRs at the Honeydale Walmart, as noted in the March 1999 Etobicoke Life paper!!!

SISTER MARIE HOWORTH HAD NO FUC KIN RIGHT TO ASK ME PRIVATE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY FATHER’S DEATH…SHE HAD NO F*** IN RIGHT TO PRY INTO MY PERSONAL TRUAMA….I’ll scream that on a mountain top if I have to!

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