Through over 7 months of retrospection I’ve realized the reason the reason why I stopped trusting my now-ex-boyfriend. He often said to me that he “put more into the relationship” than I did. A large percentage of the times we had s** it was only because he wouldn’t stop asking and I felt bad about not being in the mood for it. In fact the first time we had s** it was because he manipulated me into it by saying it had been almost a year since we started going on, as if he was somehow entitled to my body. Because I loved him, I wound up saying “okay” at times when I really didn’t even want to be touched, let alone to have s**. I have anxiety and he was putting a lot of pressure on me about s**. he kept trying to get me to do other s***** things I already said that was uncomfortable with or just didn’t every want to do. Looking back I wish that I would have broken up with him the say that my reply to his incessant guilt tripping was mumbling, “Ugh okay fine just shut up”. I said it because I was so disgusted with how he was treating me, as if his feelings for me were gone and he was only staying with me because of s**. But instead of being upset or offended about my reaction, he actually took that as consent. How could he think that a reply like that was honestly a change of heart? He couldn’t have. He just didn’t care about me anymore and was being selfish. I wanted him to leave me alone, so I went along with it, but by the end I was crying. I hid my tears and I didn’t tell him to stop, but only because I was so scared of him hating me and leaving me. I tried blocking time out of my mind, because I couldn’t deal with it. It’s been over 7 months now since he broke up with me ‘to see other people’ and I’m still trying to come to terms with what really happened. I still have only told a handful of people, and only one who knows him at all. I haven’t talked to him about it because I’ve been too scared. His sister is my best friend. It’s all overwhelmingly painful.