I hate, no…strongly dislike a lot of my family members. Why, you ask? Because all of them have a significant other, yes even my lesbian cousin has one, and a lot of them will not stop f****** pestering/hounding me to get a girlfriend.

“When are you going to have kids?”

Whenever I f****** feel like it. Hell, it may be never for all I know, so shut your f****** fat mouth.

“Are you happy with your life?”

Well, no. I’d be a lot happier if you thought of another f****** topic other than “HEY WHEN YA GETTIN MARRIED AND HAVIN KIDS?! HUEHUEHUE” Just knock it off and leave my love life, or a lack thereof for the time being, away from your personal interests. I honestly don’t give a s*** if grandma and grandpa don’t get a chance to see my children I may or may not have.

“Why’d you leave town?”

Because the rest was rising, the cost of living was rising, my job wasn’t paying nearly enough for me to support even myself, and you assholes can’t back the f*** off about who I’m f****** or not f******.

“Hey, did you hear that aunt so-and-so’s in the hospital?”

No. I didn’t. Because you never tell me anything else that’s ongoing within the family. All you care is where my d*** is, where it may end up, and where it’s going to be. Stop being the p**** police and tell me actually important s*** and I might consider you to be caring, thoughtful family members.

Also, people say that rich people don’t care about those who are seem to be “beneath” them. The only family member I actually have respect for is my uncle who’s run more than one business and his family (my lesbian cousin is in this family, fyi. just thought I’d throw that out there.) He treats me like I’m the son he never had and asks about s*** I want to talk about and tells me things I need to know. Same with my aunt and the two cousins which make up that family.

Everyone else I’m pretty much related to that doesn’t tell me anything important and is always pointing out my love life can go to hell. Too bad it doesn’t exist, though.