12 years
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(im 17 years old) I was playing a game with my friends tonight at a bonfire where they ask you 10 super personal questions and you HAVE to answer truthfully no matter what it is and I realized that no one knows who I really am. I’ve never had my first kiss, I’ve never done drugs or had a sip of alcohol, like overall in just a major goody goody. And it bugs me because i realize that everyone there who were supposed to be my close friends don’t know me at all. And a lot of what the do know is a lie. I want to know everything about everyone else but i can’t even tell people who i like. Like i just feel so pathetic that i CANT tell anyone anything personal about myself especially when they are trusting me with their deepest secrets. I ended not even going even though they kept asking me to and i feel like such a b**** for being the only one who didn’t do it.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.