12 years
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I found the perfect man…who happens to live in another state for a year.
We are dating…supposed to be dating exclusively.

Problem is I’ve hit a financially rough (literally broke) patch and have opted to provide services for money…this has funded out trips to see one another, as well as paid my own bills to live. I don’t enjoy it, and only do it for money…and think about him each time it happens…he would of course break up with me if he found out. This is only temporary until I find a job with more hours (trust me, for moths I’ve made attempts and sent out applications).

My guilt does not solely stem from this taboo line of work, but from TRULY emotionally cheating on him last night with my ex. I cried so much because I could’ve prevented it, and there was nothing I took from that encounter that would benefit my relationship. I feel disgusting and ashamed…

It’s a terrible position I’ve put myself in, and no one knows the details but myself…

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.