I loved a guy. Loved him for 2 years wholeheartedly. It was a distance relationship. Right from the start. In the 2 years of relationship we had met only

12 years

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I loved a guy. Loved him for 2 years wholeheartedly. It was a distance relationship. Right from the start. In the 2 years of relationship we had met only for 3 days that too for a few hours. We felt the connection then. His family knew n adored me. I loved them n I still love them as my own family. Then things spiralled down. My feelings for him died when he forced me for p********. I wasn’t comfortable with him on physical front because I had never been that close to him. It ,created a crack in my feelings and somehow they died. In the meanwhile someone else came to my life. He was here. He loves me. He cared for me. Held my hand when I needed him. Supported me when I needed one. In the end I chose to,be with the 2nd guy. I couldn’t let the 1st guy come even in inches of distance close to me. Was scared where he would harm me. I couldn’t trust him for some reason. But he was a very nice person at heart. I couldn’t fool him and myself all our lives. So I chose to part.

I feel guilty about hurting him and his family. I still miss them. I still regret losing them. I regret not being with them. He is gone far away from my life. There is a painful void created in my heart. And it aches. Badly. I am sorry for what I did. But I couldn’t live a life of lie. I am ready to be punished for it. I want to harm myself so severely that I too feel the pain they ve been through.

I don’t know who to talk to. Someone talk to me please. 🙁

New Confession

I’m male, work a high power job, good salary. After work I dress as a female to relax.
Recently I discovered, having my testicle out side my pan+ties, under my dress, keeps me cooler. Just wanted to put this out there.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.