I loved a guy. Loved him for 2 years wholeheartedly. It was a distance relationship. Right from the start. In the 2 years of relationship we had met only for 3 days that too for a few hours. We felt the connection then. His family knew n adored me. I loved them n I still love them as my own family. Then things spiralled down. My feelings for him died when he forced me for p********. I wasn’t comfortable with him on physical front because I had never been that close to him. It ,created a crack in my feelings and somehow they died. In the meanwhile someone else came to my life. He was here. He loves me. He cared for me. Held my hand when I needed him. Supported me when I needed one. In the end I chose to,be with the 2nd guy. I couldn’t let the 1st guy come even in inches of distance close to me. Was scared where he would harm me. I couldn’t trust him for some reason. But he was a very nice person at heart. I couldn’t fool him and myself all our lives. So I chose to part.

I feel guilty about hurting him and his family. I still miss them. I still regret losing them. I regret not being with them. He is gone far away from my life. There is a painful void created in my heart. And it aches. Badly. I am sorry for what I did. But I couldn’t live a life of lie. I am ready to be punished for it. I want to harm myself so severely that I too feel the pain they ve been through.

I don’t know who to talk to. Someone talk to me please. 🙁