I was bored. I thought I was happy and sometimes I honestly thought I was. I sometimes dreamed of cheating on my wife. Sometimes, I dreamed of her cheating on me…and what I would do if it ever happened.
I did terrible things…I lied to my loved one with ridiculous lies. Little white lies….big lies too sometimes. I lied all the time…about everything. I couldn’t stop.
I stole things, some tangible some not tangible. Anything I knew I could get away with.
Growing up I often felt abused and mistreated. Bullied relentlessly sometimes by those that I often called friends.
She left me for another man. She lied to me…I deserved it. I beat her dog…I beat it until it was afraid of me…I killed it on accident one day. I was mortified…I couldn’t believe what I’d done….I lied about it.
Rambling…
I sold my soul for something frivolous and it feels like it’s actually coming true…it scares me…I don’t want to go to hell. Though I know I deserve it. Lord I don’t want to burn but I don’t know how to come back to you.
The people that surround don’t know who I am. I feel trapped…I don’t deserve any of this…I deserve to be alone. Forever.