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I am currently in a sort of fix involving three ladies.

The first one is someone who I have been seeing for about six months. Since about November of 2013. The relationship has been tumultuous, and we have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can remember. She recently (this week) found inappropriate messages between me and girl number two. She descended into a rage and I feel as if the relationship is over. I was at her house last night to apologize and I feel like I never got through to her. I am stuck on this situation as I have no idea what to do.

Girl Number two is someone I met recently at a friend’s birthday party. We seemed to hit it off from the second we met and she seems like someone I would like to get to know. Our personalities seem to click. We’ve been chatting almost continuously ever since her birthday. She may have cost me a 6 month relationship; which of course she has no idea about.

Girl number three is an ex from a relationship that ended about October of 2013. She still wants to pursue a relationship with me, even after there was so much hurt and pain the first time around. I don’t want to hurt her again; she really deserves better. She’s on a spiritual journey and has found God. She’s become a staunch Christian and wants to include me in church activities.

I really don’t know what to do.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.