I have trouble not going on bad trips of despair in my head. Where nothing is good, everything is a total hell of suffering and punishment and all I want to do is die already. I mean, I try to pray and everything but I get confused and I don’t know if its just me being delusional or something else. I ask to be healed cause I’ve been messed up in my head a long time…I don’t think I’ll ever be with a girl again, I can’t get close to people like I want to, my body aches alot around other people already and I’m always quiet. Its very lonely and its hard not to get down on yourself more cause everything seems so horrible alot of the time. I can’t seem to laugh much and i know that makes it worse. I read stuff online and it gives me hope but i go back n forth so much between hope and hell.