I can not fall asleep without watching surgical videos. I dont really know why. Oh well.
My brain is totally fried because I listened to a 3 hour podcast at 2.5x it’s original speed. I need to stop doing this. The mind isn’t supposed to be forced to absorb information at such a high pace. I have a lot of work to do today and my mind is screwed. F~u~ck.
I always felt like I was behind in love and forced myself to have crushes even though I only saw them as a friend. I got so desperate that I turned pansexual and eventually I confessed to my friend that I loved her in hopes to get a partner but got rejected which I think permanently ruined our friendship, which was really sad because we were best friends. I can’t stop thinking about how it was all a desperate attempt.
