I’ve had a crush on a guy at school for over a year, I’m in college and I’m also married, but my marriage is and has always been on the rocks. I knew my crush was also married but he never wore his ring any time I saw him. After a year of class he messaged me…and I was so excited. Not the hey what’s the answer to number 1 message but a much deeper flirty message. Knowing what was about to happen, completely throwing out the fact that we are both married, I messaged him back….with the same underlining tone….and then asked him out for coffee.

In the beginning he made me feel like his marriage was ending as well so I didn’t feel guilty or bad for what we were doing. We promised each other we wouldn’t have s** until we both were out of the relationships. I left my husband finally, not because of my crush but because it needed to end anyway. This just helped me move it along faster. But he still hasn’t left her and it’s been 4 months.

We still have not had s** and we stopped kissing 2 months ago. We have remained “friends” and don’t really discuss our love for each other very often, but we both know it’s there. We talk on chat every single day he is becoming my best friend in addition to already loving him I just love being apart of his life even if it is just friends. I am stuck in such a hard place right now.

I don’t know what to do. He is still trying to figure out what he wants, he’s trying to give her another chance. I feel I have met the man of my life and I don’t want to let him slip through my fingers but I know it’s not the right thing to do. It’s so unfair. I just want to spend every waking moment with him. I want to lay on the hood of the car and point out constellations. I want to make art with him.

And then I think……is it really him that I want or the idea of how our lives “could” be if we were together? Am I dreaming up this fictitious life or would it really be that way? Is it even possible to be happy? The way he makes me feel, is it real? I could spend the rest of my life waiting for him to leave her….I know deep down inside, it’s never going to happen and I need to move on, but it’s so hard. FML 🙁 grrrrr