I've had a crush on a guy at school for over a year, I'm in college and I'm also married, but my marriage is and has always been on the rocks. I knew my

12 years

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I’ve had a crush on a guy at school for over a year, I’m in college and I’m also married, but my marriage is and has always been on the rocks. I knew my crush was also married but he never wore his ring any time I saw him. After a year of class he messaged me…and I was so excited. Not the hey what’s the answer to number 1 message but a much deeper flirty message. Knowing what was about to happen, completely throwing out the fact that we are both married, I messaged him back….with the same underlining tone….and then asked him out for coffee.

In the beginning he made me feel like his marriage was ending as well so I didn’t feel guilty or bad for what we were doing. We promised each other we wouldn’t have s** until we both were out of the relationships. I left my husband finally, not because of my crush but because it needed to end anyway. This just helped me move it along faster. But he still hasn’t left her and it’s been 4 months.

We still have not had s** and we stopped kissing 2 months ago. We have remained “friends” and don’t really discuss our love for each other very often, but we both know it’s there. We talk on chat every single day he is becoming my best friend in addition to already loving him I just love being apart of his life even if it is just friends. I am stuck in such a hard place right now.

I don’t know what to do. He is still trying to figure out what he wants, he’s trying to give her another chance. I feel I have met the man of my life and I don’t want to let him slip through my fingers but I know it’s not the right thing to do. It’s so unfair. I just want to spend every waking moment with him. I want to lay on the hood of the car and point out constellations. I want to make art with him.

And then I think……is it really him that I want or the idea of how our lives “could” be if we were together? Am I dreaming up this fictitious life or would it really be that way? Is it even possible to be happy? The way he makes me feel, is it real? I could spend the rest of my life waiting for him to leave her….I know deep down inside, it’s never going to happen and I need to move on, but it’s so hard. FML 🙁 grrrrr

New Confession

I’m male, work a high power job, good salary. After work I dress as a female to relax.
Recently I discovered, having my testicle out side my pan+ties, under my dress, keeps me cooler. Just wanted to put this out there.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.