12 years
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I decided to stop talking to one of my best friends. A guy that is at my same age, 26 This guy has psychological problems, sees nothing happy in this life in an aggressive way though not depression. He came to stay at my house for some days cause we used to live far and he was visiting. He behavior towards me was belittling , he was punching me and put me on the floor slapping me on the a**, like i am a 12 year old boy. I care for him cause i don’t want anyone to be bad. But after this incident i decided to stop talking to him or seeing him. Whenever we meet he makes me feel anxious and crappy about my self in subtle ways.

I feel guilty now cause most of our friends deserted him and i heard that he says to people i have no friends, but honestly now i feel this is more than a proof for me that he was just too bad as a person with me and this is what other people also realise. Beyond this person i must say i have many friends and people i share happy moments and have genuine fun with them. I feel bad for doing this but on the same time i feel relieved for cutting off from him.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.