I’m in love with a straight friend… well, say “friend” because I worked hard so we became such. But I’m not interested really in a friendship, i need more… and it hurts so much that I cannot possible admit to myself there’s no happy ending here. You know, that actual pain in the chest that feels like I’m choking. That feeling of despair, of immense misery… It is unbearable. Seeing him talking with girls shatters my heart. Listening to his s** adventures is like stabbing my chest. It affects my life, my work, my eating, my sleeping…. I cannot stop thinking about him. Even when I’m asleep. It’s like I have no control; I’m a pawn of all this. It is not good! I need to run away from this! But I cant, I cant, I cant. Why? . Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I just walk away from this? I always try to see him, to be alone with him, even though he treats me like s*** most of the times! and I hate myself for not being able to just turn and go another path that will surely be better than this misery! Will this ever end?