Where to even begin. The thing is, I kinda don't like my close friend, sometimes it's great to see her and stuff but a lot of the time she just pulls at

12 years

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Where to even begin.
The thing is, I kinda don’t like my close friend, sometimes it’s great to see her and stuff but a lot of the time she just pulls at my strings. The things she says on her internet accounts makes her seem so pretentious and it’s frustrating like cut it out with that crap it just feels like I can’t be around her sometimes because of it. And oh my gosh it makes it so much worse that her and my boyfriend have a little bit of history- they never dated, she liked him and that was it. I don’t know if he liked her back, I sincerely hope not because that would just not be cool. Anyway, he’s always asking me how she is and stuff, it’s annoying because I don’t wanna talk about her. I met him before I met her, I used to get so paranoid about her and stuff like the way she seemed to be taking over everything I liked and replacing me as she became friends with my best friend and we were kinda forced together when we both went to college. The she always gets nostalgic about when she was friends with him like when we go places that she went with that particular friend group. S T O P L I V I N G I N T H E P A S T. I don’t care, I really don’t. It didn’t work out with him, you have a boyfriend now so please stop mentioning mine. It feels like she’s everywhere and it’s annoying because damn it I just can’t deal with her sometimes and I could never tell anyone this, in fact I feel really guilty about admitting it but it’s eating me away. I just get really worried that my boyfriend has like unfinished business with her: we’ve been together a year now and I do love him but I’m a super paranoid person due to how self concious I am and I had this complex in the last year of high school about the girl I’m talking about I used to get really sad over the fact she seemed to be taking everything I loved. Now I have my A-level exams and I’m stressed about them because I want to get this scholarship for university so I don’t need to be thinking about stuff like this but I just drives me crazy sometimes. idgj,d,niga.ofnbofoi I just think about how much hassle it was with my boyfriend because he acted so aprihensive and nervous, I guess he stringed me along for a long time (a year or so in fact) before we actually got together because he “loved someone else” (bet it was her the little b) and he “was shy and nervous” and never had a girlfriend before. Maybe he was just nervous but when I look back it seemed like he was making an awful lot of excuses which just makes me think about the validity of our relationship now. I often wonder if he decided to be with me because he didn’t want to be alone or inexperienced about s** and stuff, then again it took him long enough to even pull any moves on me or even kiss me for that matter.
I just get so sad, because I want the truth and I want to be happy and have a god life and not hate one of my best friends but I can’t talk to anybody about the situation because it would just cause drama.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .