This is just a confession about a girl’s first time having s**. It wasn’t at all how it should have been. I mean I’m very realistic about the rainbows and magic part, I know that it hurts and it’s most likely awkward. But you have to do it with someone you love or at least know…That’s my story: It was my birthday, my two best friends invited three boys so we were even. We were on the beach it was dark and we had vodka. We played truth and dare, so we went skinny dipping in the sea, kissed each other, exchanged clothes and so on…My two best friends seemed to hit it off really well with the other two guys and I wasn’t wasting my time either. I was making out pretty passionatly with the guy that I’ve seen only once before that night and never had I talked to him before either. So things were pretty heated and it was getting really late. Normally I had to spend the night with one of my best friends but since the two of them were occupied that left me with no other choice but to go with the guy and since the alcohol was making its impact too, it wasn’t so hard to decide…We got to his place very careful not to wake his parents and got straight to his bedroom. He gave me a t-shirt and went to the bathroom. I was checking my facebook page since it was still my birthday. When he came back, he suggested that we went to bed. When I agreed and lied down, he was on top of me and whispered “I think I have another present for you.” and I nodded. He said he wouldtry something and we could stop if I didn’t want to continue. So he went in and out a few time, it didn’t hurt it was mostly strange feeling. But I got a bit scared and we stopped for that night, little did I know that he was with me only for s**, the s** I never properly gave him. So the next time he wanted me to come at his place I was in my period so it didn’t work out. And few days later our “relationship” was over through a text message. So since he left me hanging like this, not sure what s** is really, I fear having s** with anyone. Or mostly I fear relationship, I tend to think that it will always be the same way, have s** (almost s**) with me and leave me afterwards. This is a major problem in my life, I have no trust. I just can’t let myself think that the guy might really like me. So now, 3 years later, never had a healthy relationship because this trauma. It is all in my head but it really doesn’t help when guys dont stick long enough to make you feel secure and gain your trust… Pretty messed up in my head, huh?
