I am in love with my best friend, who is also my ex, who doesn’t reciprocate.

I have a child with another woman and we hate each other. We are together because of the child, we break up and get back together every other month. If we could afford to live apart, we would but a child is expensive.

My best friend/ ex still talk regularly. Sometimes she sends me nudes/ leads me on, but never anything more. I am convinced that the reason she doesn’t want a relationship with me is because of my weight, I’m not fit and I have an unhealthy addiction to fatty food. I weight 250 but i should weigh 180.

But I still have a doubt. If I lose all this weight, and my ex still doesn’t want me, then I’ll be left alone because – crazy as it sounds – the woman I have a child with only likes chubby guys. She’s made it very clear that she will leave me if I lose wight, even gone so far as to destroy my workout equipment (on “accident”)

I am trapped and miserable and Idk what to do. I hate that I love my ex because she’s shallow. But I don’t choose to feel this way. thinking about her is the only thing that makes me happy.