12 years
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I feel so guilty I think now I’m starting to pay for it, I’ve been unexplainably sick for the past 3 weeks. I keep a lot of things to myself and that has hurt me. I have a great best friend which I feel very lucky for and a wonderful boyfriend but the truth is I lie to my family members for financial reasons because I don’t have a job, they know I don’t have a job and the reason I lie is to try and help everyone else but myself I know it’s not the right thing to do but I’ve been doing it for a while now and it’s hard to stop just yesterday one of my family members said they didn’t like liars and I didn’t say anything because I knew that I had lied on many occasions.

Also I have this girl that I really don’t like and I don’t like her for a good reason and even though she doesn’t bother me anymore what she did to me has scarred me for life, I’m able to forgive her but I’ll never be able to forget what she did. I just want to stop lying to my family members and start telling the truth but I’ve lied about so much I guess I would have to start from the beginning, I know it would probably make me feel better if I confessed the truth to my family.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .