From 2011 until the beginning of 2013, I had a pretty bad case of anorexia. It was never bad enough that I needed to be hospitalized, but basically, I lost 50 pounds, my hair was falling out, my bones weakened, ect. I’ve had on-and-off depression since 2009 (becoming suicidal depression in 2011) and anxiety since 2013. I cannot tell anyone about that eating disorder, not even my therapist. I had a great support group back then to help me get out of it (and gain back most of the weight I lost), but now I’m getting bad again. I can’t upset my parents with the news. In the last month and a half, I’ve lost 13 pounds. It’s not even good or noticeable. It’s just on my nose, collarbones and ankles. It’s not intentional, I promise. When I eat and I’m filled with anxiety (which is always) my stomach hurts, so I’ve been skipping lunch. That’s it. I’m scared. I don’t want to get bad again. I want to lose weight, of course. But not like this. I told my friend “E” that I lost this weight because she struggles with weight loss (NOT an eating disorder), too, and she said that if I had lost it healthily that she was very proud. That made me feel guilty. I also told my guy friend “J” about it, who knows about the e.d. too, and he questioned me. I promised him I wouldn’t do this again, but I feel like I’m going to. I can’t control it. Help?
