I don’t understand myself.
I think I do, but I don’t. It is funny when I confessed to a Christian that I was a gay.
but the truth turned out to be not.
And I knew nothing about love.
I always stand at the grey area where I can’t distinguish myself whether I hate someone or love someone. But I seem to find myself living in a miserable life pattern which I envy someone is the moment I love someone. This is a painful crush on someone especially they don’t know you or they don’t want to know you.
I envy them, why they can live easily even they are not attractive and nothing special around them. And I tried so hard to make myself better every single day I live here.
But I still like them, as a matter of fact that I have feelings for them.
What a b**** I am . I always tell myself.
I want to feel happy again if I find someone I truly want to approach and talk with.
Is that so hard to accomplish? At least I don’t feel envy anymore.
please, it is so painful to experience 2 extreme emotions at the same time.
And I don’t want to be surround by people who don’t care about me.