12 years
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I really don’t understand how people can believe in God. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but it just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, sure it works for a lot of people but I honestly just can’t convince myself that there is a god. When I was little I used to think I was wrong because I didn’t believe in god and I spent years trying to convince myself and ‘let god in’ as some say but it never really clicked with me. I would love to believe that there was a person who cared about me and loved me unconditionally and ‘had a plan’ for me, especially at such a bad time in my life, but I just don’t and I can’t. It’s as simple as that.

And…to anyone offended by anything I said here, these are my own personal beliefs. I’m not trying to insult anyone, and I’m not asking you to tell me about A)your connection with god B) your journey to ‘rebirth’/anything of the sort C)how I’ll spend the afterlife in hell D)a how-to guide on how to ‘find god’. Thank you.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .