My husband, the man who promised to protect and cherish me in his vows. He told lies when he said them. He puts his hands on me and makes me feel like a p************. Last night he tried to choke me to the point of passing out. When that didn’t happen, he held me down and smacked me, then anally raped me. He thinks it is is funny to hurt me to until I cry, When the tears start flowing he tells me to stop being a little crybaby and to toughen up. He doesn’t know that I know about his findcheaters account, or the nasty messages and pictures I see on his phone. I can’t talk him about it, last time I caught him and confronted him he turned the guilt around saying if I couldn’t trust him then there was no point in us being together. When he gets mad he prefers to tell me he is going to to another girl’s house, maybe she’ll give him what he really wants. I fight back sometimes and he tells me I have an undesirable attitude and to stop being such a b****. I am sick of his s***. I want to leave him but I feel too old and ugly to start over.