I have social anxiety and get uncomfortable when anyone gets closer to me. I have what I call a circle and only those people I feel comfortable with. Anyone be it man, woman, elderly, or child who tries to be friendly with me or comes to open up to me more makes me feel nervous and uncomfortable. I then get quiet, distant, and can come off as rude. I get a feeling of dread when the other person is no longer distant towards me and starts to act nicer. I once almost made a friend with a girl who was similar to me but once we started become friendlier I got nervous and awkward and disappeared for a while. I cant stop feeling so awkward and weird. I have fantasies of having friends and finding a lover but I cant even be a friendly acquaintance with someone. I get a sick dreaded feeling when anyone starts acting nice towards me. I was bullied in the past and I dont know if that has something to do with why but I just cant change. I will be alone forever in all ways. No friends, no love. If you try to reach out to me its futile. I wish I could meet a girl who would force me to be her friend and not give up or a guy who would force himself on me romantically and act very aggressive with me. I’m too shy and scared to be honest. Someone forceful would be better.