12 years
x
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I have lots of really good friends and family and I know I’m lucky for that, but I want real honest to God romance, I want to be in love, but some reason I seem to be unlovable.

I’ve had a casual thing with someone who isn’t that good of a friend and it’s just making me feel like utter s***. Well actually it makes me feel like I’m a p************ with a “rockin body”. Sort of feel like my b**** are all I have going for me when it comes to guys…

I don’t understand why I’m not good enough though for someone to be in love with me, girls who seem b****** through and through even get to be in love, I’m worried it’s my personality. I know I look quite good, not a model or anything but I get a few double takes, I’m smart – I get A’s in my uni course, I’m sociable (love my uni societies) but not a crazy party girl, I have a job and financially take care of myself, I’m even funny sometimes! I don’t whinge or moan about how life s****,or woe is me or any of that usual bull.

I don’t understand what I’m doing so horrifically wrong? I’d also like to point out that I’m not outwardly this hell bent on finding love, just since I’m sharing with strangers I’m opening up – I don’t act clingy or desperate haha

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .