I hope my sister dies, like in a car accident or something. She’s something I never thought I would have to deal with on such a personal level. She’s horrible, manipulative, passive-aggressive, apathetic, materialistic, ignorant, vain (oh, the level of vanity…) She’s the epitome of everything that I hate in this world. I truly believe that my life, as well as anyone else’s who’ve believed in any good in her, would become all the better if she would just cease to exist. But that would make things just too easy for me, wouldn’t it? It’s a horrible feeling that I’ve been struggling with. It’s true hatred and it’s frightening; I’ve never felt hatred before. We had a falling out over something she did. It began with something I facilitated and then, as quickly as possible, tried to end once I realized how big of a mistake it was. And from there it escalated and she kind of took it and ran with it. This is all vague, I know, I’m sorry. After several disputes, I finally realized how naive I had been about our relationship. I should never have trusted her. To me, she was my best friend and I let her be horrible to me. Perhaps I was part of the reason she is the way she is now, everything that I hate and the opposite of myself. I used to blame myself for it, but I’ve realized she needs to make an effort as well. I’ve done as much as I can to salvage some sort of sisterly relationship, but I’m done now. I’ll wait for her to grow up. It hurts knowing that she chooses everyone over me and knowing the lies she tells family, but it’s not my burden. It should be hers. This is the person she’s shown me she is and I know that I don’t truly know her, so I want to hold onto the tiny sliver of hope that she will grow up, but it’s hard. Right now she’s just living selfishly, like any other college kid, like I did at one point. It’s frustrating that she won’t let me be a part of her life so that she could avoid at least a few of the pitfalls in life. But her mistakes are her mistakes, and I want to be done with it. Hoping for her to die is evil, as horrible as she is, and I don’t even want it on my subconscious. So now it’s on the internet, somewhat anonymous, but not really. I used to “preach” about how evil hatred is, how it drains energy that should be put to good use, so I never thought I’d let myself succumb to it in my life. But I have, and now I’m letting go.