There’s nothing else I can do.
I’ve tried to get jobs. I’ve tried to hold down jobs. I’ve tried to live on my own. I’ve tried to be independent. I’ve tried to pretend nothing’s wrong. I’ve tried to pretend that I can just snap out of all my issues, like everyone thinks I can. I’ve tried to follow my dreams. I’ve tried to have realistic dreams to follow. I tried to be happy and live like other people do. I tried.

But my severe depression and panic disorder don’t really care. And neither does anyone else.
I avoid things like driving, and Walmart, and being in big open spaces for too long. I quit every job I get after a few months because I get so stressed out by them that I end up feeling sick every single day. I avoid hanging out with people. I avoid telling people how I’m really feeling because they get mad at me and say I’m lazy, or they think I’m not trying hard enough. Were I not on medication, I’d be unable to even wander around the house too much. I’d be terrified to step out the door, and I’d constantly feel like I was going to drop dead for no reason.

I’m living with my parents for now. I guess that’s not too weird for a twenty-one year old. But they’re kicking me out at the end of the month, and I’ll have nowhere to go. And no way to really take care of myself. I can’t function like other people do.

I applied for SSI, hoping they’d be able to help me. Haven’t heard anything yet. Probably won’t before I get kicked out.

I keep thinking about suicide, but I’m too chicken. Though I probably won’t last that long on the streets anyway.
I’ve tried to live like a normal person. I’ve tried to get help. Nothing works. No one cares.

And there’s nothing else I can do.