I used to be a poser. I tried to act like what I thought was badass. I would buy my clothes from hot-topic, wear dark red lipstick, and black eyeliner. I did like some rock music but with the way I dressed you’d think I was into metal or something. You’d think I was some h******* chick. In truth I was and still am a softie and I like all kinds of music. I was never strictly into any one type of music.

Still I dressed and acted like a fraud. This was in middle school and the very beginning of high school and then it stopped. I had a big crush on a guy and was trying to impress him. In the end I ended up screwing up any chance I had with him because I said something hurtful to him. Something out of line. I couldn’t let go of the past and while I did like him I also wanted to hurt him. I hurt him and ended up hurting myself as well. Even if that didn’t happen he would have found out I was a fake anyway and we would have grown apart.

I’m not sure why I ever liked him or acted so fake. I was so ignorant and stupid. I once ignorantly and openly called myself a rebel without a cause. I was so blind and innocent but I acted like I was some h******* wordly badass even though nothing was further from the truth.

I look back on my past self and cringe in embarrassment. I wonder if this is a normal thing and everyone has shameful pasts or if I’m just one of the unlucky few. I am radically different now. I wear what I like and dont deny what I like anymore.

I was such a fraud. I would deny liking certain things in an attempt to fit in and impress.

I dont do it any longer. I like pop and rock music. I like rap and folk as well. I like that corny old Legend of Zelda cartoon. Yeah the one everyone hates. Excuse me princess! I like Jrpgs. I’m a softie and a nerd. I’m a romantic. I’m not tough. I’m a crybaby. I wish I accepted my true self sooner.