I’m a 21 year old female and I am damaged. When I was 7, I was sodomized by my step cousins in front of my brothers. I hated my mother for not knowing and my brothers for not saying anything and denying it happening so they wouldn’t get in trouble. I was devastated because at that age I had no idea what to even call it to tell her. It got to the point to where I couldn’t even be in the same room without wanting to rip her head off. When I was 12, I confided in my aunt to what happened and she told my mother. We talked about it for a while and after that I felt safe for a short period of time. My stepfather denied it occurring and told me he needed nephews’ side of the story as well. I was crushed. I felt like he made me out to be a liar. A few months later he confessed to me that he was molesting me in my sleep, while my older sister was asleep 3 feet away and while my mother was pregnant. And also thought it funny to tell me explicit details of what my body did. I felt ashamed of my body. I wanted to die. Even attempted suicide a few times. Why would someone who was supposed to be a father to me hurting me like this. He would hug me like a lover would, groping wherever, when my mother wasn’t around and would “accidentally” flash me his privates and proceed to ask if I saw it. I held my silence because I was scared I’d ruined my mom’s happiness. Now that their marriage is crumbling I confided in my sister my deepest secret. Her and my boyfriend advised me to tell her. When I finally broke down and did my mom wouldn’t speak to me. Not even eye contact. So I accepted it. I could finally stop blaming myself and was relieved. But a few days ago my sister brought it to my attention that my mother confronted him and he denied it just as he denied cheating on my mother. He made me out to be a liar. That I’m made this all up to make her divorce him faster than she already wants to. When in all actuality I was prepared to take this to the grave. She doesn’t even really look at me now and I refuse to speak to him. In my life I’ve been abused by so many people that I thought I could trust and this hurts me to the core. What do I do? I feel like I’m dying inside all over again.