I feel like complete and total s***. And I honestly have no reason to. I have a beautiful girlfriend who is not a complete and total diz, a desk any artist would love, a supportive family, and friends to spare. I am a “Normal” 14-year-old girl. But with depression reigning over me, and having started to self-harm a while ago, it has all gone to s***.

No one knows that I cut, except for one friend of mine. other than that, my cutting is something that no one knows about. And no one will know about it. I started a month or so ago, and it’s escalated from there. I used to use a fairly blunt pocket knife, that merely left scars on the surface of my skin. But I hungered for more.

One day on facebook, I saw a picture of a pencil sharpener with no blade in it and the screw off to the side. The caption on it said “If you don’t understand this, I hope you never will. If you do understand this… I’m sorry.” I was confused, but then it dawned on me: ‘I could unscrew the sharpening part from a pocket-sized pencil sharpener and use it as a cutting blade!’

So, with a blank mind and my conscious screaming for me not to do it, I found a small screwdriver, and unscrewed the blade from the holder. I held the small blade in my hand, thinking about if I really wanted to do this. I sighed, and dragged the blade across my wrist. It stung, and blood seeped out of the wound. Then I made another cut. Then another. It was horrifying to see what I had become.

I cut again today, and one cut is bleeding as I type. And not only that, but I’ve been thinking about… about ending everything. About stabbing myself, hanging myself, overdose of pills, anything to end this pitiful life. I need help… But don’t want my friends to know. And if I asked my parents to get my a therapist, I would be wasting their money. What should I do?